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Moving to France is an exciting time but despite your best efforts it can be hard to settle in. You'll miss things about the UK – not only your friends and family but the old pace of life, social customs and all the little things you never even noticed before. From the way you have to buy bus tickets to the way French people do their weekly shop, there's so much to learn it can seem a little overwhelming. It's all part of the great adventure however and learning to enjoy the differences will make your new life even more wonderful.
French social customs in particular are something you can only really learn when you experience them, but knowing a few ground rules can help you fit into your new community straight away without coming across as an ignorant foreigner! Just as you'd respect local customs when you go on holiday, you'll need to adopt French customs when you go to live there. Your new French friends and neighbours will appreciate you for it and your integration will be that much smoother.
It's strange that with a reputation for being 'rude' French people are actually very polite in their day-to-day lives. They say hello and good-bye in shops, cafes and restaurants – in fact it's considered very rude not to observe this personal courtesy with shopkeepers and restaurant staff. If you've ever perceived a French waiter as rude, ask yourself if you said hello when you sat down?
This formality extends into your personal and professional life. The manner of address for strangers, people you've just met or superiors like doctors, bank managers etc is 'vous'. You would only address children and friends as 'tu', unless specifically invited otherwise. The informal greeting 'salut' is used amongst young people, but a more formal 'bonjour' is more appropriate in daily life. As a ground rule stick to formal language and you won't accidentally offend anyone with unwelcome familiarity.
As you start to make friends in your new community you could be invited to dinner. The French take pride in their food and it's important to make a good impression when you visit someone's home. Wine would be a welcome gift in the UK, but assume your French hosts know a lot more about wine than you do! Flowers are a more appropriate gift, as long as you choose the right type. In France flowers still have their traditional symbolism, with red roses for love, lilies for funerals and yellow signalling infidelity. Be careful about your choice of bouquet!
The French can be very direct, and a good after-dinner debate is valued. Assuming your French is up to the task of holding such a conversation, don't be offended if your sparring partner sits quite close or uses very direct language. This can be a little unsettling at first but by no means take it personally – an involved and rational argument shows you're having a good time!
If you've been invited for dinner it's a good sign your new neighbours want to get to know you so don't be worried if they pay you a lot of attention. Social occasions like this are a lot easier if you've learnt the language, even though speaking to real French people might seem like a trial by fire! Copy the way they use language and you'll feel more at home in no time – at first you'll be imitating, but before long you won't have to think before you speak.
To cement new friendships don't forget to repay the favour and host drinks or dinner at your house. As the newcomer to a community people may know a little about you thanks to the village grapevine, so welcome your neighbours into your home and dispel all the mystery. Forming friendships over good food and wine is a custom that both the French and English can appreciate!